Men are well aware that women enjoy receiving jewelry, chocolates, and flowers. The reason women love gifts so much is that, simply put, they provide happiness: that’s the core finding of recent studies by psychologist and social anxiety expert Todd Kashdan.
A Professor at George Mason University, Kashdan researched positive thinking for almost a decade, resulting in his book “Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life.” In the book, Kashdan argues that in order for a person to be happy, three factors must be in place:
- strong relationships, since we are designed to be social animals;
- ability to experience the current moment rather than focusing on the past or future;
- gratitude for what one has, as opposed to an envious or greedy perspective.
Focusing on the third element, Kashdan studied reactions when various people received gifts to better understand the human experience of gratitude.
Gender responses & cultural expectations with gifts
Gratitude is apparently more difficult for men to experience purely. When women are given presents, the dominant response is simple enjoyment. If a man receives a gift, on the other hand, he immediately feels a sense of duty to reciprocate. Kashdan’s analysis suggests that gifts represent responsibility to men, while women simply appreciate the generosity of the giver.
It’s understandable that men have difficulty separating gifts from social expectations. Gifts have long represented critical symbolic gestures in cultures all over the globe. The !Kung San, a people in Botswana, have a complex structure of gift presentation – termed “hxaro” – that’s used to further establish bonds. Similarly, Native Americans in the northwestern region of North America held celebrations called “potlatches” to exchange valuable presents, a sign of the giver’s strength.
What these findings might mean
The question that remains is, “Why do women feel happiness, while men feel obligation?” Cornell University anthropologist Meredith F. Small suggests two possible hypotheses:
- perhaps women don’t feel as much anxiety or pressure related to gifts; and/or
- perhaps women enjoy receiving gifts because they enjoy giving them, so reciprocation is natural and doesn’t overshadow the pleasurable experience of receiving.
In short, gifts give women a sense of happiness because they unlock the gratitude that is one of its three essential components. They may have an easier time experiencing gratitude than men do because gifts are stress-free to them, even the reciprocation aspect. Regardless the scientific explanation for why the best cubic zirconia jewelry will make a woman smile, we believe the smile itself is reason enough for the gift.
By Kent Roberts