Sadly, there are plenty of couples who will realize that getting married may not be a good move. But what if the invitations have gone out? What if the dress has been ordered and the honeymoon suite booked? What do you do? Birkat Elyon has long been in the business of providing couples with high-quality cubic zirconia engagement rings – and they’ve also seen that sometimes, things don’t work out. Here’s their advice for backing out of a wedding that’s been in the works.
HOW DO WE LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT IT’S OFF?
If your engagement has been announced, but invitations haven’t been sent, consider sending a simply-worded printed card with language to the effect that “the wedding will not take place.” If your invitations HAVE gone out, enlist close friends and family to get on the phone to spread the word. You’re probably not the one who wants to handle that task. By the way, there’s no need to explain why it’s called off (and you know, some people are gonna ask). None of their business.
WHAT ABOUT THE RING?
This can be tricky and emotional, but it breaks down like this: if the bride-to-be calls it off, she’s essentially “breaking a contract,” and should return the ring. If the groom-to-be calls it off, she’s generally entitled to keep it (although she may want to give it back so as not to be reminded of this painful moment). Of course, if the ring is an heirloom, good manners dictate that it should be returned to the family. If the couple bought the ring together, then there needs to be a talk about splitting up this piece of “joint property.”
DO WE HAVE TO RETURN THE GIFTS?
In a word, “yes.” Etiquette dictates that engagement, shower and wedding presents should be returned to those who sent them (and that includes anything personalized). Include a note thanking them for their kindness. Many people will insist that you keep what they sent you; in that case, accept it graciously.
AND THE DRESS?
Typically, when you order your dress, that’s a binding contract. However, there are some things that can take the “sting” out of the cost. There are online sites that will sell your dress; consignment shops are another alternative. You might also consider donating it to charity (and getting a tax write-off while doing good for someone else).
THE HONEYMOON
Hopefully, you purchased a waiver which allows you to cancel up to 24 hours before your departure date. If not, well, sorry. Travel insurance is another option that might minimize the financial damage. Just know that penalty fees for hotels, cruise lines and more vary depending on how much notice of cancellation is given (i.e., three weeks versus three days).
WHAT ABOUT GUESTS AND TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS?
We’re assuming you set up a block of hotel rooms for out of town guests. Start by checking the hotel’s cancellation policy – then, get on the phone and be honest. Many hotels will work with you. Of course, flight arrangements may be a little trickier. Ask your guest to contact the airline; they may be able to arrange a credit towards their next flight.
Breaking an engagement is difficult on both an emotional and financial level. However, this temporary pain may be worth what you might have experienced had you gone through with a marriage that wasn’t right. Experts suggest doing something special for yourself on what was meant to be your wedding day, as a way to move forward (like perhaps a dazzling piece of cubic zirconia jewelry?). Stay positive and look forward to a fresh new chapter in your life!