Even the most committed couples will hit some speed bumps in their marriage. It’s inevitable because Life sometimes gets in the way. Financial or health issues, family disputes, job stresses –these are challenges that every marriage has to deal with at some point. Here are five of the most common marriage problems that couples may face during their years together. But don’t worry: Birkat Elyon found these helpful tips for navigating some of the most typical marital snags and getting your relationship back to happier times.
STRESS
These days, stress is something everyone has to cope with. Things, like dealing with children or aging parents, money issues or losing a job, can peg a couple’s “stress meter” into the red. So how to take it down a notch? First, be sure you communicate with each other regularly, clearly (and kindly); keep your partner in the loop on the situation or how you’re feeling about it. Second, make time to have fun together: a movie, bike ride or dinner date will strengthen your bond and make it easier to navigate rough waters. Finally, do some volunteer work; that can immediately shift your perspective about whatever is fraying your nerves.
CHEATING
Infidelity takes many forms these days. Beyond the typical affair or one-night-stand, there are also “emotional affairs” and relationships that live only on the internet. No matter what form the cheating takes, it can be devastating to a marriage. Experts recommend accepting all the feelings that come with such a revelation: anger, rage, depression, shock. Don’t try and squelch them. It’s also important to keep your kids out of the drama. And while you may be tempted to vent to family or friends, think about it first; those moments of “rage” may complicate things further if you opt to try and rebuild the relationship (#awkwardfamilyparties).
Counseling can be immensely helpful in navigating this delicate time, both for yourself and as a couple. Recognize that your marriage has changed, and consider how you will move forward (or not).
BOREDOM
It’s super-easy for a couple to fall into a rut. You start to do the same things, day in and day out. Suddenly you realize that the spark seems to have gone out of your marriage. But it can be fired back up. The first step is to make time to do something new together: a cooking class, travel, checking out a completely different movie or restaurant from your usual choices. New, shared experiences will give you something to talk (or laugh) about. Physical activities have the added bonus of releasing pleasurable hormones that can bring you closer.
DIFFERENT VALUES AND BELIEFS
This may rear its head once the kids come along. One of you wants to raise them in your religious tradition; the other does not. As time goes on, the push-pull of opposite values may become more apparent, especially if your cultures are different. Remember that you initially came together despite your backgrounds. Have a frank and fair discussion on what are the “deal breakers” and what you’re willing to compromise on (like swapping holidays every other year, or having a religious ceremony followed by a secular observation). Experienced diplomats will tell you that listening and staying calm and open-minded are the keys to making headway in tricky negotiations.
FIGHTING OVER MONEY
This is a big one, especially when times are tough. One of you may be more “spend-y,” the other one more of a budget person. Start by having an honest conversation about what is most important to each of you: saving for the future? Having some fun now? Home repairs or a needed vacation? See if you can come to a middle ground that both of you can agree on. Also, talk about your upbringing and the money habits that have bled over into your adult life. You might be surprised at what’s revealed.
If you find yourselves at an impasse, a session or two with a certified financial planner may offer some clever options you hadn’t thought of that will satisfy both of you.
Anyone will tell you that marriage has so many benefits – but it can also be challenging. Treat the rough patches as “lessons” to be learned. Have faith that you came together for a reason and can maintain your initial bond, no matter what difficulties might come up. Because….Love rules!
PS: If you need a special gift for an anniversary (or perhaps, a “make-up” present), you can’t go wrong with one of Birkat Elyon’s beautiful cubic zirconia pieces. Best of all, they won’t break your budget!