They say the waiting is the hardest part. I don’t know that Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers were talking about waiting to get engaged when they wrote The Waiting, but they might as well have been. Because, really, what’s more arduous than waiting for the person you love more to finally ask that one question: will you marry me?
You don’t want to wait to officially declare your eternal love for each other and commit to spending forever together. You want it, and you want it now. And who could blame you? When you know the person and the time is right you just know, and you want your one true love to be on the same page as you and propose.
But proposal timing can be a tricky thing. One half of the couple might be ready for it right now while the other might need more time. Worse yet, one might want to get engaged and the other might not feel the same way about the relationship at all. Many of us have been on at least one if not both sides of those conundrums at least once or twice in relationships.
It should go without saying (but we’ll say it anyways, just to be safe) that trying to force someone to get engaged with you is never a good idea. If they’re not ready to marry you or never will be, then pushing them toward an engagement is going to do one of two things: drive them away or lead you both toward a less-than-happy marriage.
If you’re positive you’ve found the right guy (or girl) and don’t need to spend any more time getting to know him/her before committing, then dropping some hints might not be so bad of an idea. Don’t demand your partner meet you at a precise time and place under specific circumstances, ready to bend the knee. That’s not going to be taken well. Trust us.
The Knot points out, though, that there are some more reasonable options.
Give Your Partner a Signal
There are many reasons for your special someone to not have asked you the question when you think the timing is already long overdue. It could be that even though you’re both ready, they might just not realize that you are. If that’s the case they’re probably going to be reticent to ask out of fear of rejection. Ease their fears a bit by dropping some hints, which should be subtle – at least at first.
You can start things off by casually talking about weddings – other weddings, not yours – in conversations. Your best friend is getting married? Talk about how excited you are for it. Some celebrities just had an absurdly opulent wedding? Name drop them. You read something or watched something on Netflix that involved a marriage? Talk about how good the show/movie/book was. If that doesn’t get you anywhere, do your best to apply the wedding in question to your own life in conversation. Even if your partner figures out what you’re up to, that’s sort of the point, isn’t it?
Talk Rings
Engagement ring shopping is a confusing, often costly and possibly even terrifying thing. A lot of people think they have to spend more money than they can possibly afford to in order to impress you. Of course you’d love to have a ring fit for a princess, but an engagement ring worth millions isn’t exactly practical for most couples. Thankfully, there are many options that are as beautiful as they are affordable, like cubic zirconia engagement rings.
Make ring shopping as easy as possible for your partner. Point out what shape, setting, gem stone, etc. you like best. Doing so will make it easier on them to pick something out and kill some of the possible anxiety they’re feeling over the whole thing. What’s more, it will help ensure you get the type of ring you really want. “Accidentally” leave magazines or your web browser open to displays of certain rings you like.
Be OK With Next Year
You shouldn’t have to wait an eternity if you’re both ready, but considering being open to waiting just a bit if your partner isn’t quite there yet. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should have to wait forever. If they keep putting it off and weeks turn into months and then into years, it’s time to get serious.
Talk About It
No tricks here. Just sit down with the person you love and have an open, honest conversation about getting married. Discuss what you both see in the future for you. Where is this relationship going, when is it going there and why? Don’t try to corner them into a precise date, as that’s a lot of pressure to put on someone and will only serve to kill the spontaneity if they do propose.
Bonus: What Not to Do
So now you know how to nudge your partner toward getting engaged, but there’s one last thing you should know, and that’s what you shouldn’t do. Don’t start breaking out photos of gowns, floral arrangements, wedding venues or cakes. This approach can feel overwhelming for many people and have the inverse effect than what you desire.
Talk about getting engaged, but don’t talk about planning the wedding. Yet. Save that for after you’re engaged.