No doubt about it: even the best relationships endure their share of arguments and – let’s just say it – outright fights. The stress of work, kids, money, what have you, can wear down even the happiest couple. Before you know it, you’re in the middle of something ugly and it can easily get to a point where neither of you is getting anywhere. So what’s the secret to dialing down the drama and moving your, um, “discussion” into productive territory? Birkat Elyon has over three decades of helping couples out with dazzling, high-quality cubic zirconia engagement and wedding rings. Their selection is affordable – and smart. So no wonder they can offer this smart phrase to end a fight. And it goes something like this:
“Hey, we’re on the same team.”
So why is this “same team” concept so effective? Relationship experts note that arguing tends to make you see the other person as an “enemy” (even when you think you’re fighting “nice”). Each half of the couple is so busy trying to make their point (and to varying degrees, “win”) that they lose sight of the main issue. By invoking the idea of being on the same team, you turn a fight into a problem to be solved. It’s like resetting the situation to remind you that a relationship is like a team sport; if you go for the cheap shot or the nasty remark, the game is over. So invoking the “team” approach helps defenses come down and more constructive dialogue to begin.
Of course, you don’t want to be repeating the “same team same team same team” over and over. Use the concept constructively, in conjunction with these other helpful tips:
- Hit “pause” for at least 10 seconds. This will allow both of you to take a breath.
- Follow up with smart questions like, “What’s most important to you now?” or “What is it that you want me to understand?”
- After asking these questions, LISTEN.
The bottom line here is, don’t think in terms of one person winning and one person losing the argument. Remembering that your relationship is really what’s most important and keeping things respectful will go a long way in keeping inevitable disagreements between the guardrails – and you two moving forward.
‘Cause you’re on the same team!
[Of course, if you need an additional way to kiss and make up after an argument, Birkat Elyon has a full line of impressive, affordable cubic zirconia jewelry. Just a suggestion!]