Marriage is hard. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but it’s the truth. It’s not easy to remain at the same level of enthusiasm, patience, calm and empathy you had on the day you met your love for every single day for the rest of your life. You have to work at it, and even then, every single day will never be perfect.
But, most days can be pretty good – really good, even! Here are six tips for making your marriage a good one. Check them out and come back next month when we’ll have six more for you.
Say Thanks for the Small Stuff
Who’s given the most over the course of your marriage? And who’s given the most recently? You’re probably keeping a running tally of it, right? That’s normal – but it’s not great. In fact, you should probably stop keeping score if you’re doing it. As you’re likely aware, it’s immature, and it’s not going to get you anywhere good. Forget about who cleaned the bathroom last, made the most trips to the grocery store this month or who moved to accommodate whose work or family. Only fighting lies down that road. Instead, focus on keeping track of the positive things you’ve done for each other and say thank you for them! That sort of thing is contagious, and it’s a great way to foster a healthy marriage.
Consider How You Fight
Do you fight a lot? Of course you do. You’re in a serious relationship, and couples fight. No one likes to admit that they do this frequently, but everyone does. When trying to improve things and avoid fights, ruminate not on what you fight about or on how often you do it, but on how it is that you’re fighting. Are you constantly calling each other names and tossing out personal attacks during your arguments? If so, it’s a habit you should try to break, as those types of fights tend to spiral out of control and lead to unhappiness. Instead, try keeping your voices low, making eye contact and asking open-ended questions about what each of you should do next to make things better.
Accept the Ups and Downs
Marriage isn’t perfect. Why? Because people and life aren’t perfect, and marriage is the life of two people together. Everyone has ups and downs in their life, so don’t expect marriage to be nothing but all-time-great highs. Some days you won’t be able to imagine possibly being away from your spouse for more than five minutes. Others…well, maybe you won’t want to spend more than five consecutive seconds around them. Hey, it happens. We’ve all been there. Do your best to maximize and enjoy the high points and minimize the low ones, but don’t ever expect to eliminate them, because no one ever has.
Let Bygones Be Bygones
Because we all fight and all have low points, all married couples have a history of some things they wish they hadn’t said or done. Pro tip: forget about it. Reopening old wounds and using past mistakes and arguments as ammunition in current debates is a bad idea. If you frequently drudge up negativity from the past, at least one of you will grow to resent the other.
Take Care of Yourself
There are many reasons people marry one another, but appearances are almost always at least some part of the equation. Over the course of a marriage, your looks are going to fade some thanks to mean ol’ Father Time. You’ll get some wrinkles, some grays and some extra pounds with time. It stinks, but it happens to all of us and is going to continue happening unless someone finally finds the Fountain of Youth. Barring that unlikelihood, your best bet is to keep up with your looks as best you can. Brush your teeth and your hair. Dress nice. Eat well. Exercise. Ladies, do your makeup. And by the way, if your partner does keep up with his/her looks, be sure to take notice and compliment them to encourage them to continue doing so.
Don’t Cut Each Other Off
Most of us like to hear ourselves talk, or at least feel like we’re being heard. We like getting the first and last word. We like getting the best – in our own opinion – word and we hate being talked over. Of course, that means we should avoid talking over each other. Many couples have trouble letting each other finish their thoughts before cutting in with their own. Try to let your husband or wife speak for a few moments at least before you jump in and interrupt. That way, you’ll at least understand what they’re trying to say, and they’ll feel at least reasonably, if not completely, heard.
Cubic Zirconia Engagement Rings
Every great marriage starts the same way: someone asks someone they love to marry them. When you ask for your love’s hand, be ready to put something on it that’s as beautiful as it is affordable: a cubic zirconia engagement ring.