Whether you’ve just moved in together or have taken the big leap into marriage, “coupling” brings unexpected relationship issues. No matter how much you love each other, two people sharing closet space, housekeeping duties, kids and pets can test even the strongest of couples.
Co-habiting can be tricky. Here are six common relationship issues that come up between couples. Check out these relationship tips for keeping things on a smooth, happy road.
FIGHTING ABOUT MONEY
Yup, this one comes up alllll the time. One person may spend too freely, the other may be devoted to a strict budget. So how do you bridge that difference? Experts suggest writing down how things were different when you were single. How did you spend or save then? What are the ideas about money that you grew up with? (“Men must earn more than women,” “Money is always tight,” “You should enjoy your life…”) How do these old ideas match what you’re going through now? Do you feel insecure if your partner makes more than you do? Do you worry that you won’t have enough for the future? Think about the emotions that the subject of “money” brings up. Just the act of writing or thinking about money can shed new light on how to talk to your partner about becoming better matched on the subject.
EMOTIONAL WALLS
Relationships can sometimes feel “threatening.” We are asked to reveal parts of ourselves that may be difficult. In many instances, putting up a wall feels safer than being vulnerable. But opening yourself up to your partner is key to building trust for the long haul. One way to get past the fear of being open is by doing a physical activity together. Whether it’s running together, hitting an amusement park ride or trying bungee-jumping, the chemical release involved in these kinds of activities helps build trust. And that makes communicating easier.
ARGUING OVER THE SAME THINGS
He never does the dishes. She never gets the laundry done on time. He always sides with his family on issues. She spends too much time at the office. Many couples go over the same old ground and never seem to get past it. So how about sitting down together when you’re “calm” and then breaking it down? Take those issues that constantly come up and deconstruct them into their essential parts. (“When you don’t do the dishes, I feel like you’re putting it on me…and that feels disrespectful…Plus, I like to end the day with certain things done and put away. It gives me a sense of calm…”) By reducing these problems to the basics, you may find a new way to solve them.
INABILITY TO FORGIVE
Some experts estimate that up to 90 percent of conflicts in a relationship stems from partners who have difficulty in forgiving each other. The issues can range from small things like household chores to infidelity. Sometimes, “forgiveness” is something you need to do for yourself.
The issue of forgiveness is tricky; just remember that it doesn’t mean you’re “giving in” or saying that the other person was right. It just means you’re not letting the issue take up too much emotional real estate. “Forgiveness” is an action that frees both you and your partner up to move forward in a healthier way.
YOU FEEL YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH ATTENTION
Counting on your partner to make you feel loved or special is always risky. That emotional foundation must begin with you. How much attention do you give yourself on a daily basis? How do you feed your soul, your own interests? When you take care of “you,” you take the pressure off your partner. That’s not to mean that you don’t deserve TLC from your better half; but when you’re not putting the full weight on their shoulders, it’s easier to ask for what you’d like. Keep it positive, such as “I love it when you do XX” or “I would love you to help me with YY…” The conversation will flow much more easily.
TECHNOLOGY
These days, many of us are practically addicted to our phones, tablets, social media, you name it. It’s easy to spend your free time heads-down on a device. The same goes for your partner. Sitting side-by-side, scrolling through your Instagram feed does NOT count as “quality time.” In fact, experts note that today’s technology can make us feel more isolated than ever before (despite being connected to every “like” or “share”). Technology impacts true emotional intimacy. Make it a point to put down the devices on a regular basis and engage with your partner in RL (or “real life”). Activities that involve physical activity (which releases happy endorphins) or those that allow for a one-on-one discussion (a thought-provoking movie or play) are a good counterweight to the sterility of 21st-century technology.
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